Hey there, wandering Jews! This February, we celebrated Tu B’Shevat, birthday of the trees. In honor of this, here is a traveler’s guide to some spots just a few hours away from SB, and suggestions to further improve them!  Joshua Tree National Park  Along with thousands of Joshua trees, this desert destination features boulders in the shapes of skulls, hearts, arches, and more. This is a climber’s paradise and a stargazer’s dream… but the park is severely unorganized. Whoever stacked those rocks did not do a very good job, as they are jumbled all over the place. Those alien-looking trees need some serious grooming as well. This Joshua guy needs to get it together! Annie’s Canyon, San Diego  This colorful slot canyon trail provides ladders for vertical climbs and panoramic ocean views at the top. Less than a mile long, it is perfect for the whole family. Indeed, whole families will be there. Waiting in line to walk through the canyon is like waiting for a Disneyland attraction. Why not make it Mickey’s Canyon? The only thing missing is “It’s a Small World” on repeat and Donald Duck giving high fives.  Camp Ramah, Ojai Tucked between orange groves and foothills is a Jewish sleepaway camp! While the outdoor scenery is lovely, the cabins lack interior design and the beds are quite uncomfortable. Hard mattresses mean campers are awake all night, asking staff very personal questions about their love life. Camp Ramah could greatly benefit from an Ikea on its premises. Plus, it could function as the chader ochel if their Swedish meatballs are made kosher.  Monterey Bay Aquarium Fish are food, not friends! Sharks are cool, but when we lock eyes we’re both salivating at the mouth. Yellowtails are pretty, but would look even more aesthetic on a sushi platter. Stingrays are just pancakes with eyes, and jellies belong on sliced bread with peanut butter. Yeah, Ivy the otter is cute, but so is a fur coat. The aquarium should make better use of its animals. Point Lobos, Carmel  A 6.4 mile loop trail visits turquoise coves, lazy seals, jagged cliffs, and the famous lone cypress tree. This is a very popular trail, so hikers often have to park a 5-10 minute walk away from the trailhead. Everyone is here for ocean views, not the lame forest in the center of the loop. Those trees should be bulldozed, and a multi-story parking complex should be put in its place.  Calla Lily Valley, Big Sur More abundant than the elegant, white flowers is the number of influencers with a whole camera crew. Too bad there are backpackers, tourists, and families getting in the way. Maybe this spot should be closed off to the public, so more micro-celebrities can prove they touch grass. Point Sur Atop a cliff jetting out into the ocean is the iconic Point Sur lighthouse. Surrounding this is picturesque farmland. The Big Sur highway has an abundance of cows but a lack of affordable restaurants. This can easily be solved by turning these cows into McPattys and placing America’s favorite fast food chain atop the cliff as well.  Santa Barbara Channel Board the Spectre dive boat for an unforgettable scuba experience at the Channel Islands. If you’re lucky, you’ll see some lobsters, starfish, and maybe even a shark! However, if you are exceptionally favored by G-d, your boat will pass by one of Santa Barbara’s stunning oil rigs! The Stop Sable movement has been such a powerful example of social action–why restart a pipeline when we can build another one! It would be great to see more of these impressive platforms out in the ocean.  Big Bear  A cute town in the mountains surrounding a gorgeous lake! It is known as the best place to ski in southern California! However, no one from LA can stomach temperatures under 65 degrees. We should be able to enjoy popular winter activities without being cold! All the snow should be plowed and replaced with something plastic and fake like styrofoam.  Pinnacles National Park  California’s newest and smallest national park features two cave systems, a majestic reservoir, and of course pinnacles created by years of tectonic activity. Endangered California Condors soar over the park. There are less than 400 of these birds flying free in the wild. This is clearly because they don’t have affordable housing. Pinnacles National Park should build condos for condors, including amenities such as hot water, electricity, and WiFi.  As Tu B’Shevat has passed and we enter spring, it is prime time to get outside! Hopefully these suggestions make the natural world more accessible, convenient, and appealing. How I love Tikkun Olam!

The past month and a half has been highly emotional, regarding the latest hostage deal. We have cried tears of joy watching hostages return to their families, but have also felt immense heartbreak for the families who won’t get to reunite. As a community that cares so deeply, we find ourselves in this sickening situation, overjoyed by the release of captives that never should have been taken in the first place. So we do what we do best–recognize the strength and resilience of those we can, and celebrate that with all our might.  Liri Albag, Naama Levy, Daniella Gilboa, Karina Ariev (all held hostage for 447 days), and Agam Berger (held hostage for 482 days) are the superheroes of our time. We are in awe and so proud of their willingness to stay alive–for themselves, for their families, for the world. Let’s take a moment to recognize what life was like before their capture, and what their return home looked like.  Liri Albag was age 18 when kidnapped from Israel. She was serving as a surveillance soldier on the Nahal Oz base. She had just completed her basic training and reported to base only two days before her capture. She had grown up loving music and singing. Her friends and family know her as strong and optimistic, and able to find beauty in everything. She was released on January 25, 2025, and spent her 20th birthday recovering in the hospital with the three other girls released that day. Amit Soussana, a hostage released in November 2023, says that Liri saved her life by convincing Hamas militants that she was not an IDF officer. On her first instagram post from home, Liri wrote, “ The people of Israel, I want to thank you again for all your support, love and help.” The heart-hands she held up from the airplane serves as a symbol of her strength.  Naama Levy  was age 19 when captured. She is part of the border observation unit for the IDF, and had just finished her basic training before October 7th. On October 5, 2023, she reported to the Nahal Oz base, where she was brutally kidnapped two days later. Naama believes that there is so much good in all people. She is a part of the “Hands of Peace” organization, which brings young Americans, Israelis, and Palestinians together for social action and change. She looks forward to a career that involves diplomacy. On January 25, 2025, Naama returned to Israel and embraced her parents in a gigantic hug. Naama says that “friends, observers, and civilians” gave her the “hope and strength” to survive.  Daniella Gilboa was age 19 when taken hostage. She was also an observation soldier at Nahal Oz base, from which she was kidnapped on October 7th. She is a lover of music and hopes to become a professional singer. One of her favorite things to do at home is play the piano while harmonizing with her sister. Hamas forced Daniella to fake her own death in captivity as a means of psychological warfare. Upon release on January 25, 2025, her boyfriend of eight years proposed to her. Daniella remarks, “ thank you to the people who for a year and three months supported my family, did not give up, or lose hope for a moment.”  Karina Ariev was age 19 when captured. She too was in the surveillance unit and taken from the Nahal Oz base on October 7th. She is known to always offer a helping hand, and embrace others with her gentle heart. She is looking forward to studying and pursuing psychology in the future. After her return to Israel on January 25, 2025, she went with her family to replace posters calling for her release with posters urging to bring home the remaining hostages. In a statement, Karina said, “From now on, beyond my recovery and return to life, my journey will include commemorating my fellow female soldiers, my commanders, operations officers, and the brave men and women who fell in battle at the Nahal Oz post where I served. I will fight for justice and truth alongside the families.” Agam Berger was age 19 when kidnapped. She served as a communications lookout at the Nahal Oz base. She was captured on October 7th, along with the other four girls. She is a talented violinist and dedicated volunteer. She works with children with learning disabilities and other struggles at home. Agam was released on February 4th, 2025. She hugged and cried with her parents upon returning to Israel, and later celebrated with Liri, Naama, Daniella, and Karina. She recalls being given a siddur during captivity, and using prayer as a source of strength. Agam says, “I don’t know how I would have survived without my faith. In the end, that’s what gave me hope.” Liri, Naama, Daniella, Karina, and Agam–your stories are the pride and joy of Israel and Jews worldwide. May you be surrounded by friends and family, and continue living fulfilling lives.

For eight years, Joe Pasternack has served as the Head Coach for the Gaucho’s men’s basketball team. In his time coaching, Pasternack has dutifully led his team to dozens of successes, including two NCAA Tournament appearances, two championships, a Big West Coach of the Year award, and 148 wins in the first seven years of his time coaching at UCSB. With a winning percentage of .685, Coach Pasternack represents a significant point of pride for not only Santa Barbara’s basketball fans, but also its Jewish community.  Originally from Louisiana, Pasternack was raised in a reform Jewish family. By the time he had become a Bar Mitzvah, he had already known that he was destined for basketball in one way or another. In the fifth grade, Pasternack determined he would become a collegiate basketball coach, knowing that he was too “vertically challenged” to participate in the sport directly.  Pasternack got his start in coaching at Indiana University 25 years ago, where he served as a student manager under famed head coach Bobby Knight for the Hoosiers men’s basketball team. After graduating in 1999, he spent a decade working in professional coaching positions at UC Berkeley and for the University of New Orleans Privateers. In 2011, he was hired by the longtime basketball powerhouse University of Arizona, where he was eventually promoted to the position of Associate Head Coach. The team recorded a 174-47 record during the six years he spent there. In 2017, Pasternack was hired by Chancellor Yang and the then-Athletic Director John McCutcheon and he has been here ever since.  Jews have had a prominent role in basketball since its birth at the end of the 19th century, inaugurated by the children of European Jewish immigrants in Springfield, Massachusetts. By the mid-20th century, Jewish rosters were almost entirely made up of Jewish players. Some of the biggest names within the sport included basketball greats such as Ossie Schectman, Nat Holman, and Sammy Kaplan. After World War II, there was a major turning point within the sport as Jews began to shift toward roles in coaching, administrative, and broadcasting roles at both the professional and collegiate level. Today, this assembly of Jewish coaches includes NBA legend Larry Brown, the coach of the number one ranked Auburn Men’s Basketball team, Bruce Pearl, and of course our very own Joseph Pasternack.  Pasternack is a proud member of the Jewish Coaches Association which presents the Red Auerbach Award and holds annual events at the NBA and WNBA Final Four.  Pasternack has held fast to his Jewish identity, raising his son and daughter Jewish with his wife and Santa Barbara Hillel board member Lindsay Pasternack. His children’s favorite holiday is Hanukkah, making it his favorite by default. Pasternack has stated that to him Judaism is about “family, culture, and being proud of being Jewish.”

ט ״ ו בשבט  - Tu B’shevat - February 13 Tu B’shevat occurs on the 15th day of the month of Shevat in the Jewish calendar, this year on February 13th. Tu B’shevat is often called a “New Year for the Trees,” and it is in the early spring season in Israel. Tu B’shevat dates to the Mishnaic period, 2nd century CE, and was used to determine the age of trees, and determining when fruits and crops could be harvested in ancient times. During Tu B’shevat in Israel, the first blossoms of the year can be spotted as spring begins. Nuts and fruits native to Israel like wheat, barley, grape, fig, pomegranates, olives, and dates are harvested, and are for that reason traditionally used in the Tu B’shevat seder.  Children gather carobs and pomegranates in celebration of the “Colony of Rishon LeZion’s” 15-year anniversary in this postcard from 1910. Image: National Library of Israel The holiday of Tu B’shevat began to incorporate planting trees in its traditional activities over time, especially in modern-era Israel. This practice began in the 1880s, and rose in 1890 when the first student group went on a “tree-planting expedition” in Zichron Ya’akov. This became a tradition for educational institutions after it was adopted in 1908 by the Jewish Teachers Union, and remains a practiced educational activity in Israel to this day. This tradition has remained so strong that today there are tree-planting competitions between schools from all over the world (and in Israel) during Tu B’shevat. Many Israelis and Jewish communities around the world participate in planting trees on Tu B’shevat, sometimes through donations to Israeli organizations that organize tree-planting events. The Jewish National Fund often organizaes these activities, and they have been largely influential in the reforestation of Israel for over a century. The connection of Tu B’shevat to the land of Israel highlights the deep spiritual relationship between Judaism and the natural world.  Photo: Tu BiShvat Celebration by Asher Benari, 1960. The National Library of Israel. Over time, this holiday has incorporated environmental and climate change education. These activities emphasize a need to protect the environment, combat climate change, and restore natural habitats. Many artists and public figures participate in Tu B’shevat through hosting events like concerts, educational discussions, galleries, and other activities.  Tu B’shevat not only represents providing, connection to the natural world, and renewal, but also hope for the future. The Tree of Life in Judaism symbolizes spiritual connections and divine wisdom, as referenced in the Torah Beshalach .  This legend describes that when the Israelites only had access to bitter water in Marah, God showed Moses a tree. Once that tree was thrown in the bitter water, the water was sweetened and became drinkable, saving millions of people in the desert. The tree in Judaism symbolizes hope, showing that even in the most desolate times, situations can be turned around, no matter how bleak they may seem. Image: Asher Benari, Tu Bishvat Trip, 2006, IL-GNEN-001-4802710, Gonen Archive.

When it comes to comfort films on Netflix, one of my all-time favorites is called You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! Starring Adam Sandler and his family as well as Idina Menzel, it serves as a fantastic depiction of Jewish life and provides plenty of heart and humor. I recently found out that this amazing film was adapted from a novel by the same name. As soon as I made my discovery, I knew I instantly needed to read the original.  Written by Fiona Rosenbloom, the book You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah!  offers a hilarious glimpse into young adulthood through our Jewish protagonist Stacy Friedman. The novel and the movie follow a similar main arc – Stacy is eagerly preparing for her bat mitzvah party, but middle school drama keeps seeming to get in the way. As the big day approaches, Stacy’s deepening crush on popular kid Andy Goldfarb brings craziness and trouble to her friend group.  As anyone who’s been through those three years of puberty-infused mess knows, middle school is horrifying enough as is. Just ask a younger cousin who’s currently experiencing it (or if you’re feeling extra brave, take a glance back at your diary from when you were 12). Bringing boy trouble and bat mitzvahs into the equation? It only gets that much worse – or in this case, much funnier. Rosenbloom is an expert at making her readers both laugh and cringe as we witness Stacy’s journey in becoming a young woman. It’s the kind of book you can easily get through in a day, but it will fill you with warmth long after you’ve turned the final page.   There are a few major differences between the book and the movie. In the movie, Stacy’s parents are played by none other than Adam Sandler and Idina Menzel, who act as a loving duo though they often raise an eyebrow at Stacy’s sky-high demands for her dream bat mitzvah party. Movie-Stacy has an older sister named Ronnie who can often be found rolling her eyes at Stacy’s antics. In the book, on the other hand, Stacy lives with her mother and a younger prodigy brother named Arthur. Book-Stacy’s mother is recently separated, causing anguish as the mom realizes that her husband has moved on. This makes the book slightly more serious in tone, especially as Stacy witnesses her mother fall into a depressive episode. Yet both the book and the movie brim with hope and positivity even through the tough times, reminding us that even crazy middle schoolers can offer some much-needed optimism.  The book also has a variety of different moments from the movie and some fun pop culture references – I particularly loved how Stacy described in the opening chapter how she felt like she was in an Olivia Rodrigo music video. Though the general storyline stays the same, the book feels fresh and unique enough that you can easily read it after having seen the movie and still come away with new insights.  I will admit, You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! had some hiccups in its writing and character descriptions (I’m looking at you, Book-Stacy’s younger brother Arthur – he may be a genius but there’s no way even the smartest ten-year-old talks like he does in this novel). Yet its charm more than makes up for its flaws. It’s an earnest story about growing up and the power of female friendship. It’s deeply Jewish in nature, not just because of the subject matter but because of its focus on doing mitzvot and spreading chesed in the world.        This book almost takes on a nostalgic flavor when looking back on what it was like to be that age. The bat mitzvah is such a pivotal point in a Jewish pre-teen girl’s life and it’s fun to reflect on what it was like and how insane it could be. For any Jewish adults looking to take a trip down memory lane to their bar or bat mitzvah days, I would definitely recommend picking up this book (but fair warning, by doing so you will suddenly feel way too old now).

We are together here in Isla Vista, an oasis, and it is now Shabbat, an oasis in time. But I want to talk to you all for a few minutes on this Shabbat about some heavy things. Because doing so matters. Because you matter. And because we respect you. (And, before I begin, I want to remind you that Hillel is here for you always. We’ll gather here on Monday afternoon for a program and a walk to the beach at sunset, so we can be together. If you need our support sooner, or even tonight, we’re here for you. Lean on us; lean on each other.) Some of you have heard these words before –- the Priestly Blessing: “ May you be like Ephraim and Menashe ” - the first two brothers in the Bible who did not compete against one another, but who lived in peace and harmony. “ May you be like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah ” -- our matriarchs, our life-givers. “ May God bless you and protect you. “ May God show you favor and be gracious to you. “ May God show you kindness and grant you peace. ” This is the Priestly Blessing. Parents often give this blessing to their children on Shabbat. Here at Hillel, we are all each others’ guardians, so let us say it for one another. I invite you to ask to put your arms around the shoulders of the people sitting next to you, so we can give this blessing to all who are here tonight: יְשִׂימְךָ אֱלֹהיִם כְּאֶפְרַיְם וְכִמְנַשֶּׁה יְשִׂימֵךְ אֱלֹהיִם כְּשָׂרָה רִבְקָה רָחֵל וְלֵאָה יְבָרֶכְךָ יְהוָה וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ יָאֵר יְהוָה פָּנָיו  אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָּ יִשָּׂא יְהוָה פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלום Yesimcha Elohim k’Ephraim v’chi-Menashe. Yesimech Elohim k’Sarah Rivka Rachel v’Leah Yivarechecha Adonai v’yishmerecha Ya’er Adonai panav eilecha vichuneka Yisa Adonai panav eilecha v’yasem lecha shalom As we observe Shabbat together, I ask for a few minutes of your time here at Hillel, a Jewish space. We’re a space that welcomes all -- welcomes all to this Jewish space. And, while we are often a place of Jewish joy, we are ultimately a place of Jewish everything -- all the feelings -- and of community. Earlier today, with everything happening in the world and in particular in the Middle East, a friend asked me: “Are you still hopeful?”  I paused. And, I answered her: I am. Right now, it is a hope in the unseen – but I hope. Indeed, the National Anthem of the State of Israel is called Ha’Tikvah – The Hope: “As long as in the heart within the Jewish soul yearns, and toward the eastern edges, onward, an eye gazes toward Zion,  our hope is not yet lost…” These are the opening words of Ha’Tikvah, translated. Tonight here at Hillel, to the Jewish and to the friends of the Jewish, I’m going to talk about some of the pain  being experienced in the last 36 hours by the Jewish people. Pain  as hopes  were crushed. Pain , it may sound weird to hear me say, that I hope  is felt by more than the Jewish people. Pain  … and hope . Hamas yesterday returned four bodies as part of a ceasefire agreement with Israel. Hamas returned the bodies of four people it murdered . Friends, I am going to spare you some of the details. They’re all online. But I am going to share some details, because it is important that we bear witness. Because Yarden Bibas, the surviving husband and father of three of the victims, has asked the world today to bear witness. It’s the least we can do for him. One of the bodies was that of Oded Lifshitz, a peace activist who helped transport Palestinians to Israeli hospitals across the border for medical care. Oded was a piano player and a grandfather. He was 83-years old. Oded was kidnapped from his home on October 7th, brought into Gaza, held hostage, and murdered. May Oded’s memory be for a blessing. Three hostages’ bodies were, we thought, those of Shiri, Ariel, and Kfir Bibas. I say “we thought” because the body Hamas claimed to be Shiri’s in fact wasn’t -- a vile trick. (And for those who haven’t heard: It’s been reported that that the body of Shiri, the mom of the Bibas family, is finally being delivered to Israel this evening. )  Ariel and Kfir Bibas – the youngest hostages. The red-headed children kidnapped while in their mother Shiri’s arms, whose fates filled our prayers. Our hopes have now been dashed and our worst fears have been realized. Ariel, 4 years old; Kfir, 9 months old. Hamas claimed they died in an Israeli airstrike – lies.  My heart breaks to say it: Ariel and Kfir were killed by their evil captors’ bare hands.  I’m saying these difficult things to you because you are adults. We all need to see  with clear eyes the world that is broken and that needs you  to help repair it. But I also want you to hear the words of the Kibbutz where the Bibases are from. They shared:  “We will remember Ariel by his rolling laugh and Kfir by his innocent smile. Ariel … a smiley, rambunctious child — a true redhead who loved superheroes, tractors and cars, and who never stopped jumping and climbing. Kfir ... was a calm, smiley baby, with red hair and a heart-melting laugh. Wherever he went, he smiled at everyone who waved. May their memories be for a blessing.” “May their memories be for a blessing.” That phrase doesn’t just mean “may we remember them.” When we bless children on Shabbat, we ask that they be  like Ephraim and Menashe; that they live  like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah.  Above me on the wall here is the art project that was made last year during Israel Week at Hillel. “We will dance again.” It was inspired by the horrors of the Nova Music Festival on October 7th – and the conviction that even after that pain, there is purpose. There is a small flame of hope we must nurture and breathe life into. “We will dance again.” We will dance for  those who now cannot. With  those who now cannot. We will dance again. This weekend, as you  live your lives here : May you dance with the neshamas – the souls – of those who have been lost.  May you care for the stranger and bring music into the world like Oded Lifshitz. May you hold your friends and loved ones tightly like Shiri Bibas. May you smile like Ariel did as he wore his Batman costume with pride in the kibbutz.  May you laugh like Kfir did when his dad kissed his back and made him giggle with delight. May their memories be for a blessing to you, to us, wherever you are this Shabbat, and always. And may their memories inspire you to continue to reach out, to hug, to smile, to laugh – to hope. And, please, let us say, Amen. -Josh Levine: Edgar M. Bronfman Executive Director, Santa Barbara Hillel

Bulgur Chickpea Salad 8-10 Servings  Ingredients  5/8 cup, medium bulgur1/2 cup olive or vegetable oil1/2 cup lemon juicesalt and pepper1 bunch spring onions, chopped20-ounce can chickpeas, drained5 to 6 ounces carrots, grated1 bunch parsley, finely chopped Steps Soak the bulgur wheat according to the package instructions, drain, and squeeze well to get rid of excess moisture. Beat the oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper and mix into the bulgur. Put in the bottom of a glass serving bowl. Layer ingredients in this order, bottom to top, spring onions, chickpeas, parsley and carrots. Cover and refrigerate. Toss before serving!  Almond Stuffed Chocolate Covered Dates  2 Dozen  Ingredients  1 pound dried dates3/4 cup blanched (skinless) almonds 10 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, broken into small pieces3/4 cup heavy cream  Steps  Split date lengthwise 3/4ths of the way through, remove the pit, stuff each date with an almond. Press the seams together to close the date. Melt chocolate in a bowl, heat to 113°F. Remove from heat, set a warm pan over a bowl of cool water, bring the temp down to 88°F. Line the counter with wax paper, and place a cooling rack on top of the paper. Use tongs and dip each date into chocolate. Place chocolate covered dates on the cooling rack. Cool for 1 to 2 hours, or until chocolate is set. Transfer dates to a serving platter and store in the refrigerator until ready to use!

we met you in red writing, miss you in each stroller, love you in every balloon. who gets to be the poster children  of callous collateral; an unthinkable plucking of kumquats, unripe orchids  lean to you, Boys. a smile  beams through concave of baby teeth and gums that don’t know sweetness, tangerines and calcite eyes, and a promise, those marigold-colored glasses  never broke.  save us at street corners, spit in the hands of evil, teach us the color of hope. there is no heaven or hell, but i know i know i know you are raised in sunrise and cradled in sunset, Boys,  in mural and mirage,  in video and valor,  in gingerly kisses of life, may your memory be a blessing. may your memory be brought to every home.

What is Mishelanu? They’re the regulars you always see at the AEPi chapter house. They’re the Hebrew speakers at Chabad, who not even Rabbi Gershon can keep up with. They’re the Jewish community’s version of the Plastics. But, a long long time ago, Mishelanu was open and available to any schmuck with Stein in their last name, regardless of ethnicity or country of origin. Now, Mishelanu has become the – possibly – most exclusive club on campus, spurring other groups to try their hand at cultural unity. Thus, the Schmoozers, a newly created in-club for any and all Ashkenazim, was born. But first, what led to Mishelanu’s sudden exclusivity? The story goes that past president Eman Bareket returned from a Mishelanu camping trip, stating “Man, f*** this s***! Someone got mad at me for speaking Hebrew yesterday. Mishelanu is all Israeli now.” This sentiment was carried on by current co-presidents Corelle Gabay and Ilai Tamari. “If I had a dollar for every time someone has approached me to say that Mishelanu is a cult, I’d have free Yetz’ Bagels till graduation,” says Corelle. The feeling was NOT shared by many Ashkenazim, such as Max Cohn, who believes that “Mishelanu admission should not be judged by the strength of [one’s] love for shawarma, but by [one’s] love for their grandmother.” In response to this public outcry, Morgan Guttman and David Bogdonavic created Shmoozers: a Mishelanu ‘equivalent’ for the oppressed white minority in the Jewish community. Best known for being the first female to win Mr. NJB, Morgan “wanted to have a space for Ashkenazi Jews to socialize and feel like they belong.” This is certainly not the case when two individuals at Hillel start smack-talking you to your face in Hebrew. Her dismay was shared by co-founder David Bogdonavic, a self-identified believer that if you “follow every girl named Sarah from the valley on Instagram… all it takes is one.” From this passion sparked the ever-growing Schmoozers. How do these clubs differ from one another? It starts in the admission process. Instead of needing to speak Hebrew, like in Mishelanu, the Schmoozers require you to recite every Shabbat prayer with a poorly pronounced ר. No more silly need to have Israeli descent either! All you need to do is name five mutual connections you have with every member through Jewish sleepaway camp. “I always thought ‘Israeli’ was an adjective given to the overly tough counselor who loves to flirt with everyone. Had no idea it was an actual place,” remarked David. Finally, the Schmoozers abandoned the preliminary stipulation of needing to chain-smoke cigarettes, opting for stoners instead… but not actual stoners cause they can quit anytime they want and marijuana is actually so much better for you than nicotine and alcohol so really everyone should start smoking weed and get off their back already! “With regards to the stoner requirement, I make no official statement” - Morgan. Besides their one-shared love for organization-sponsored coffee chats, events also differ greatly between the two clubs. Whereas Mishelanu uses their study nights at Hillel as another means to socialize, the Schmoozers set strict ‘work hours’, interrupting them only to kvetch about how cold it is in the room or leave for constant bathroom visits. Instead of hosting physically active game nights, where members are wrapped like mummies and smacked by dodgeballs, the Schmoozers have a different approach. As David put it, unprompted, “[they] treat the search for the Afikomen like it’s [they’re] Super Bowl.” Our team of correspondents believes they might actively search for matzah to eat, even when it isn’t Passover. Of course, we’d be remiss not to mention the infamous Israeli  vs. Persian cook-off, which the Ashkenazim will also enter into. “I’m not worried about the Schmoozers. I just hope we have enough salt for whatever dish they’re preparing - Ilai.” Neither club would be complete without their kickbacks! When attending Mishelanu’s parties, you can expect to hear the same, recycled Omer Adam, Eyal Golan, and Dana International songs, while Corelle and Ilai scream at each other over the music. “Ilai and I yell at each other like an old Israeli aunt and uncle,” claims Corelle. This sentiment is shared by active member Yael Pasternak, who stated “I don’t think half of the people who want to join Mishelanu are ready to see Ilai try and round up 20 Israelis, only to complete an elementary school level activity.” Add in a wide selection of 20 different Bamba flavors, chased with Arak and Tubi, and you understand the vibe that Mishelanu is going for. On the other hand, the Schmoozers prefer the rhythmic stylings of the Maccabeats, perfectly harmonized Miami Boys Choir, and infamous Jewish singer/songwriter Dan Nichols! In addition to serving their cracker of origin – the Lays Chip – they offer Manischewitz, almost entirely watered down with Kedem Grape Juice for sensitive stomachs. According to Morgan, “most of [them] are lactose intolerant… also vegan, gluten-free, and food free.” Notice she didn’t mention kosher. The Schmoozers excitedly took a stab at their very own version of the Mishelanu camping trip: an annual vacation that has spurred drama in the Jewish community for years. Instead of partaking in pretend Mossad trainings, like Mishelanu, they played pickup ultimate frisbee games, stopping every five minutes for water breaks. Mishelanu also loves to put their Tzofim experience to good use by hand-making fires, hunting and gathering, and tying knots of various sizes, or as they call it, P.O.W. practice! The Schmoozers used this time to practice their talents for the newly degendered NJB competition. And they don’t waste their time with regrettable, one-and-done hookups like Mishelanu. What they engaged in could only be properly described as an orgy. Author’s Note: Those youth group cultists are freaks in the sheets. The need for the Schmoozers is still widely controversial, with alumni like Tom Hirshfeld weighing in on the issue: “It isn’t that Mishelanu members can’t be Ashkenazi, it’s that these dumbf*** American Jews can’t be Israeli. That’s not how ethnicity works.” Still, membership is booming, with 20 active participants, and 100 different sorority girls each time who mistook it for a community service event. The Schmoozers have asked us to relay the following mission statements on a wide variety of issues… Official Statement on Mishelanu “We have absolutely no problems with Mishelanu! They’re, how do you say, Achim and… what the hell is sister in Hebrew?” Official Statement on the Middle East “We just want everyone to get along, stop being so violent, and be themselves!”   Official Statement on the IDF “It’s such a great thing for young people! Every country, that we don’t live in, should have their own IDF!” Official Statement on Keeping Kosher and Shabbat (Still heavily debated between the Modern Orthodox, the New-Age Reform, and the Uncaring Conservatives) Official Statement on the Persians We love the Persians! We still keep in touch with all of our friends from Beverly Hills! Official Statement FROM the Persians We have no clue who half these people are. They all blend together. If you’re interested in joining the Schmoozers, you can catch most of their members at Eman and Ilai’s weekly Hebrew class, in a last-ditch effort to join Mishelanu!

There are some novels that sit on your bookshelf for ages without you ever understanding why. These books beg to be read, yet instead collect dust for years until one day you finally decide to flip through their pages.  The Book Thief  by Markus Zusak was one of these novels – and I desperately wish I had given it a chance sooner. Every page is beautifully woven with prose, providing both sorrow and hope in a story that will stay with me for the rest of my life.    Set during World War II, we follow the adolescent years of foster girl Liesel Meminger as she grapples with existence in Nazi Germany. Though Liesel’s specific narrative is historical fiction, this book feels as gut-punching and haunting as real life during the Holocaust. Liesel herself is not Jewish, but her circumstances soon intersect with 1940s Jewish reality when her foster family decides to hide Max Vanderburg in her basement.   Max Vanderburg is twenty-four years old when he’s forced to sacrifice everything, leaving his home and the people he loves in an attempt to survive. His Jewish identity makes every action dangerous – even walking outside could mean the end of his existence. When Liesel and her foster family hide Max, we witness a striking narrative of love and loss.   Death himself acts as the narrator of this novel, taking us through each scene and giving us a solemn glimpse of the world he has seen. Yet in this tale, Death is not some malevolent creature. Instead, he is someone who wishes the pain of humanity could subside, yet is helpless in the face of war’s horrors. In spite of his anguish, he is forced to complete his job of carrying souls away from this realm.  Zusak expertly balances the tough subject matter with shining moments of hope. With characters you root for and scenes that make the heart warm, this book affirms that there will always be kind people, even when forces of evil try to drown them out. Though I sobbed more times than I could count, I left this book finding faith in the goodness of human nature.  A key part of this book focuses on the power of literature. Liesel transforms into the titular Book Thief, stealing books that Nazi Germany has outlawed to nourish her soul. With book bannings once again on the rise, Liesel reminds us that combating bigotry starts with gaining knowledge and empathy, two key traits that can be cultivated through reading a story.  For both Jewish and non-Jewish individuals alike, The Book Thief  should be at the top of your reading list. It will make you feel through soaring prose and engaging characters. It will help you understand the past so that such atrocities will never be repeated in the future. And it will offer you a story that will nestle close to your heart and transform your world.        Don’t make the same mistake as I did and let this suggestion collect dust: read The Book Thief as soon as you can. It may just change your life forever.

A few months ago, I had the honor of interviewing George Rusznak. George is many things: husband, father, businessman, and he’s also a holocaust survivor. Throughout our interview, three main themes emerged: fear, hate, and hope. In this three-part mini essay series, I plan to explore each of these through the lens of George’s story in contrast with what we as a Jewish community are facing today, continuing in part two with hate. Hate is an interesting emotion to grapple with. I think sometimes people use the word “hate” when they’re experiencing big and strong negative emotions that they don’t necessarily have a word for at the moment. Hate is one of those words that rolls off the tongue so easily, but we don’t always take the time to really process what it means. The interesting thing about hate is it’s much more damaging to the person feeling it than whatever it’s directed at. This is one of the many lessons I took away from my conversation with George. After the war came to a close, many Jewish families tried to return to the homes they previously owned. However, when George and his family tried to go back to their apartment, they found a Hungarian couple who were given their home because of their membership in the Arrow Cross Party, the Hungarian equivalent of the German Nazi Party. It’s important to note that the members of the Arrow Cross were the willing instruments of the Nazis in the implementation of the Final Solution in Hungary. Of course, this living arrangement was extremely tense and uncomfortable.  This would be a lot for anyone to process, let alone a little boy. Imagine the one place you’re supposed to be the safest, and having to share it with people who played a role in a mass genocide of your people.   I asked George if he hated having these people in his home. If he hated the presence of anyone who could’ve even played a slight role in what happened to the Jewish people. He told me one day, frustrated by their presence in his home, he was talking to his mother about it and he said “Mom I just hate them”. George was only six years old at the time, so he has little memory of this conversation with his mom. However, years later as a teenager, the two discussed it again and George’s mom reminded him of what she said.  She told him that hate will slowly kill you. Having hatred inside you we’ll eat away at you until there’s nothing left. Hate is what will destroy you faster than any other person can. For you’re only hurting yourself by hating them.  George noted that his “own ideas about hate and how to process that emotion came much later in life when I was trying to learn and comprehend what made human beings inhumane toward others”.  This aspect of my conversation with George made me think a lot about hate and the role it plays in my life. I think hate is such an easy but destructive emotion to let ourselves fall into. It’s so natural to want to hate the people who have hurt us, to hate the fact that our history is filled with bloodshed and tragedy. It makes so much sense that hate would come so naturally, but it’s the strength that’s required to push back against hate that makes us who we are.  For us today at UCSB, I see so much hate seeping into the cracks of our Jewish community. Hatred for what happened last year on campus, hatred for the discrimination we have to face from our peers, and hatred for watching so much of the world slowly turn against us once again. But as George’s mother said, harboring hate does damage to no one but yourself.  Immensely easier said than done, but we as a community and as a people have overcome time and time again throughout our entire history. Something as futile as hate will not be what destroys us and it’s within our power to not let it control who we are.

Here are a few simple and yummy comfort foods and desserts to make for a chilly week of classes or a fun night of baking with roommates lovingly brought to you by my grandma all the way in New Jersey!   Blintze Souffle 16-24 frozen blintzes ½ lb. butter or margarine, melted 8 eggs, slightly beaten ½ C sugar 2 tsp. Vanilla  ½ tsp. Salt 1 C orange juice 1 pint sour cream Put blintzes in 9” x 13” dish and pour mixture of remaining ingredients over them. Bake at 350 for 1 hour. Serve plain or with fruit. Apple Cake (parve) 2-3 apples, peeled, cored and sliced 2 tsp sugar 2 tsp cinnamon  3 cups flour 2 tsp baking powder  2 cups sugar  1 cup oil ¼ cup orange or pineapple juice 4 eggs Mix apples, sugar and cinnamon and set aside. Mix all other ingredients to make batter using spoon. Pour into greased tube or bundt pan, alternating batter, apple mixture. Bake at 350 for 1 ½ hours.